


Break you

by cigarettesandalcohol



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Belldom - Freeform, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love/Hate, M/M, Matt's POV, Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Questionable Mental Health, Sadism, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, probably my darkest fic, some kind of Borderline Personality Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:36:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7167689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cigarettesandalcohol/pseuds/cigarettesandalcohol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm gonna make you.<br/>I'm gonna break you.</p><p>I'm gonna make you a fucking psycho.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is probably the darkest fic I have ever written and I can only hope it will not scare you much. All I can say about it is: I'm sorry. I don't actually think of Matt this way - it was just an idea.  
> As it's mentioned in tags, this story contains violence and mentions of non-con but it's nothing explicit. I decided to mark it with "Mature" partly because of this and partly because of the twisted nature of the whole story...  
> Also: English is not my native tongue so I hope my mistakes won't make this story too hard or unpleasant to read ;)
> 
> Feedback is welcome! ;)

I’m gonna break you, Dominic Howard. I’m gonna destroy you and kill everything inside you _because I fucking hate you_.

I _hate_ that sheepish look in your eyes, I _hate_ how you stay in silence when I ask you something – I hate everything you do. Your stupid smile that you try to keep on your face all the time, and those teeth you that show when you’re laughing, I want to knock them out of your mouth.

I want to see blood between them. I want to see you holding your jaw, eyes wide with painful surprise – you can’t believe I just did this, can you?

Your foolish expression makes me want to hit you again – now that you are scared and you try to protect yourself from further beating but I won’t let you hide. I’m going to destroy you, understood? I’m going to make you suffer, choke you, poison you, break all your will that you might have left – I can make you go insane anytime. I could kill you.

 _I will_ make you go insane.

I want to see the fear in your eyes, I want to be the reason of your nightmares, I want you to wake up in the middle of the night with sweaty sheets and panic in your head, and I want to get inside your mind. You will never be able to get rid of me because I own you, _you’re mine_ and there’s nothing you can do about it.

I want you to cry in front of me – I’ll make you to. I can starve you for days and I can tie you up, don’t you remember? Your voice was so beautiful - “ _Matt!”_ – and full of tears and pain – _“Matthew!”_ – as you were shamelessly crying and sobbing – _“Matty, please_!” while I knew you were freaking out on the inside.

I loved it.

You never knew how much I love the confusion in your eyes, the confusion when I hit you. The fear when I’m squeezing your hands and holding you close to me, when I’m staring into your eyes. I know I can control you through your mind because your mind is so fucking transparent and simple and honest it’s not really difficult, Dominic.

You know you’re afraid and you know there’s no point in resisting.

You should give up. You _always_ give up eventually. And then you’re pleading and begging me to stop in a shaky tone, you don’t even try to hide your tears anymore.

_“Matt, please, please, stop it...”_

Your face in unbearable agony is the prettiest I have ever seen. And your tear-stained reddish eyes and almost hysterical sobs and racing heartbeat have already become inseparable part of my life.

_“Matt, no, please, no, don’t...Don’t hurt me.”_

You ask for it with every move and word. I want to smash your head against a wall, break your skull, nose, jaws – break your soul.

I’ve broken your heart already but I need to break your soul too.

You know what I want to do? I want to hurt you. I want to see you panicking, desperate and helpless, with black eye and bleeding hands – you know I can make it happen, I can cut you, stab you, make you spit your teeth outta your mouth. I like the sight of you trying to get on your feet. I won’t let you do that. I prefer you lying on the floor.

_“Matty, please, don’t...don’t hurt me – don’t...”_

I love it when you’re weak like this, I could do anything to you now. Your face is such a mess, it’s my mess, it’s what I’ve done, it’s mine – the pain in your face and you.

Do you remember how I made you mine? It was a winter night, I can recall the snowflakes and frost on the window of your room – and the floor I pushed you onto was cold as hell.

_“Matt, no, don’t make me do this, no – “_

It was different this time.

What were you thinking? You thought I will leave you alone? No, no, _you’re mine_ and you had to taste what it’s like to belong to me.

_“Matthew, no! I said no – “_

_“Shut up, you little shit.”_

I remember your hands as they were trying to push me away and your clenched teeth and growing fear in your eyes.

_“It’s not a fucking game anymore!”_

_“Has it ever been?”_

There were some fists and fighting and more crying – _“Matthew, no, NO! Stop, Matthew, please, leave me alone –_ “ and your nose was bloody. You were so good that night, defeated and humiliated and I came inside your trembling body as hard as never before.

_“You’re mine, Dominic. Nobody else can ever have you like I do.”_

I know there was fear in your eyes that night and still I’m sure there was also something else, another feeling, _a feeling called love_.

That’s what it’s all about and that’s how it always ends.

I love how you suffer and cry and scream and cough and I love to see you bleed on my shirt, fall unconscious in my arms or throw up your dinner into the toilet.

I want to have you hurt and broken.

 _When you’re broken, I can fix you._ I can make you feel better again.

As you’re sitting on the floor with bloody handkerchief pressed on your nose and you’re watching me fearfully, I want to be your shelter and guardian angel.

_I want you to be safe._

I love you, can’t you see it?

“Dom, it’s okay, everything is alright. Let me take a look at it.”

You moan something into the handkerchief which is all covered in your blood and saliva.

“Dommie, love, I’ll get you some ice.”

You’re still crying when I come back with a few ice cubes wrapped in a towel.

“Ssh, it’s okay. I’m here. I’ll take care of you, okay? I won’t let you suffer any longer. Here, bend forward, I got the ice. Does it hurt much?”

Your body is vibrating in a weir post-traumatic shock. You’re completely paralyzed, and you remain silent even when the bleeding has finally stopped.

“It’s okay, Dom. Cry if you need to. I’m here to help you.”

“ _Matthew –_ “

“What, sweetie?” There’s no distance in between us, I can clearly see how pallor your skin is. You’re avoiding eye contact. “Dommie. Look at me. Don’t worry. I’m always here whenever you need me.”

“ _Matt –_ “

“I love you.”

“Matthew. _You’re killing me_.”

“No, no, I would never do that. _I love you_!” My fingers are wandering over your blood-stained lips and chin. Your skin is wet from both tears and sweat; it’s perfect. “I’m going to take care of you. Look – look how pale you are. You need someone to help you, don’t you? You can’t be alone now.”

“N-no...”

“You need me to look after you. I always do that. I love you. That’s what people do, isn’t it? They look after their loved ones when it’s needed.”

“P-please... _please, don’t hurt me again_...”

“I won’t.” I confirm the promise with a tender kiss on your soft lips. “It’s all because I love you, baby.”

Will you ever understand it?

_I hate you because I can never have full control over you._

_I had to make you need me. I want to be needed._

_I had to break you to be able to fix you again._

_I had to hurt you so I can dry your eyes and heal your wounds._

_I want to be the one who helps you and keeps you safe, therefore I have to be the one who makes you suffer at first._

I’m gonna break you, Dominic Howard, _because I fucking love you_.


End file.
